Everything was too late, but what can i do about it?
Things are sort of going well recently, i passed my physic(like finally~!) and i got 14/16 for my e-maths test. Passed 2.4km, so expecting a bronze for my NAPFA(; and i passed my first round of choir audition with nice praise from ms angila, she praised that my voice is the voice that she is looking for(: Although everything went well, but i still find something missing in me..
I started going to IMVU again, but nothing feels the same anymore. I do chat with a few guys but they just can't replace you at all :( I tried! I seriously, fcking tried my best to kick you out of my mind! But i just can't! I feel so screwed up, even with so much achievements! I just can't smile and enjoy the sense of achievement and success. I can't anymore, with you gone from my life. Even after the praise i got from ms angila, the applause everyone gave, i was falling into a daze until jacqueline shouted my name. What was in my mind was your face, i was thinking about your reaction when i told you about what i had achieve. I really wasn't desperate to want you back because i need a companion. Even with sweetie, babe and girl with me, i still want you, i want you in my life. ASHY is important to me, as well as you.
I deleted your messages, it was so hard to mark all and press the delete button, but i did it. I deleted our msn chat history. Every of this deleting things is like cutting off a part of my heart.. It hurts and bleed so much, yet i must do it.. I don't dare to bring up that topic to you anymore, I'm scared that you will flared and that it will spoil your day. As much as you want me to be happy, i want you to be happy too. I delete them so i won't see and think of you, think of the past. But those memories in my brain, are engraved deeply, no matter how hard i tried to cover them up, they are still there.
The moment of intimation, the moment of care and concern, the moment of emoing, the moment you lean so close, the moment of us just sitting there doing nothing yet feeling so sweet&blessed. Every single details just became clearer as the day goes by. It should have fade... why is it getting clearer..
Boy, have you forgotten about all these memories already? The best day of your life, i created it. The worse day of your life, i caused it. If only i can redo everything and amend my mistakes, i'm willing to exchange this chance with anything i had. I'm willing to exchange it with everything, becuz you meant so much to me. I know your love for me won't burning like the scorching hot sun, but my luv for you will, and will always be. 8billion people in the world, and i only want you~
