Quite a period of time has passed since i last post.
I know you are too busy to even visit this blog anymore.
I remembered that time when i decided to reopen this blog, it was for you(:
Mmm.. That time was supposed to help me remember all those memories we shared,
but all i posted were sad sad stuff ><
I'm such a failure :/
I always had a feeling when i looked back at the past conversation we first had.
Every pulse of my heart, brings a wave of pain, which numbs my veins.
My hands feel numb and my heart start aching.
I'm so dumb aren't i?
Because you said, you only want me in your life and your heart only beat for me,
i feel that everything was worth it >~<
I choose to bottle every things up from now on.
I won't tell, I won't share, cuz no one care.
So yea, maybe will stop blogging le.
Nothing to say also :/
I'm sorry..
Recently i had been saying this to you a lot of time.
You must have been dread of it already..
I don't know if you will still be reading what I post, but still I will continue writing my feelings here..
I'm sorry, really...
I don't know my love for you made you so stressed out.
I can't help you relief your exam stress instead I caused you to feel even more stress..
Why am I a pisces..?
Pisces are so sensitive and stupid..
Always suspecting this and that..
Why do I fxcking get jealous over a post and a reply..?
When I should know you're just joking about it..
I hate myself.. Hate my own character.. Hate my brain and mind..
I will never suspect you again.. Never..
If this relationship really tears apart, it's my fault..
When you love me, i don't treasure.
Instead i keep do things to make you hate me.
Make you get dread of me, and tired of me..
I'm not going to disturb you for the rest of your holidays anymore.
Just hope you enjoy yourself.
Put me behind, forget about my existence and really relax and enjoy yourself.
Because of my existence, you'll always have to worry about my feelings.
Because of me, you can't even fully enjoy yourself.
This time I will automatically disappear from your life.
Take your time and enjoy your holidays without me..
I had another song for you, hope you like it.
Janice - Goodbye
I can see the pain living in your eyes,
and I know how much you've try
You deserve to have so much more.
I can feel your heart and i symphatise,
and I'll never criticise
all you've ever meant to my life.
[Chorus]
I don't want to let you down.
I don't want to lead you on.
I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.
You, would never ask me why my heart is so disguised.
I just can't live a lie anymore.
I would rather hurt myself,
than to ever make you cry.
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance of the kind of love,
I'm not sure I'm worthy of.
Losing you is painful to me.
[Chorus]
I don't want to let you down.
I don't want to lead you on.
I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.
You would never ask me why my heart is so disguised.
I just can't live a lie anymore.
I would rather hurt myself,
than to ever make you cry.
Though it's gonna hurt us both,
there's no other ways than to say, goodbye.
I don't mean to say goodbye to you by dedicating this song for you.
It's all my fault..
I was wrong for being too sensitive, unreasonable, bossy, petty and wilful.
Everytime when you go out with friends to enjoy yourself,
i'm always that bitch who dampens your mood..
You sounded angry, i don't know what i should do now.
I chose to hide inside my turtle shell for the time being.
I don't know how i should face you, i feel ashamed..
Speaking from the bottom of my heart,
I'm too bad a girl to be your girlf.
To deserve all your doting and pampering.
(Though it's getting lesser and lesser)
Am i too demanding?
If you are reading this, answer me will you..
I don't know how long you will be able to tolerate with my bad temper,
but i guess i juz have to treasure every moments that you are able to be with me.
Argh..
Juz why the fxck am i thinking so much..!!
Haix, i guess cuz i'm really scared.
Afraid that you will leave me one day
(Which i know is something that cannot be avoid..)
But i really hope we will last.
I know that when you're busy your tone will become unfriendly.
I won't blame you, cuz tomorrow you are having your last paper.
Good luck for you okay?
I'm sorry to have spoilt your mood today :/
Don't know if you will be reading, but really hope you are.I rather don't want the msg
and exchange for you sweetness
I might be MIA for awhile,
like i've said to hide from my shame...
"Can't you feel my heartbeat, beat, beat~♥"
Hahas, last combined rehersal in Cedar, nutnut and ciacia keep singing this to me.
Today damn happy ;D
Baby kept his promise, and sent me a "good morning" msg today ;D
That piggy went for his soccer session le.
Mm.. He so long never reply, duno what he doing uhx.
For sure forgot to wipe dry and wake around naked + "wet" xP
Baby yesterday night so devilish luhx!!
Post so many wierd wierd things on my Facebook wall
humph~♥
Don't dare post on his own wall,
only know bully me, and post on my wall xP
Evil monster~
Gave him 3 dares yesterday, but *haish~~~*
He double D do it tsk tsk~~
only did one *aiyo~~*
Just gave that silly monster a call.
Hahas! He actually pick it up siax~!!!
And the first word i heard when i put it to my ear is
"Yee Ying!!"
Omg~ ROFLOL~~
Stomach ache :P
He silly to the max le~ xP
♥Hadi♥
*Humphx*
Hate it when i saw you praising another girl..
*grumbles*
...But i guess i should keep quiet about it and juz bitch about it here bahx..
Afterall, this is my blog, my say.
By your character, i know you won't confront me after you read it.
I don't know is whether you don't care or what.
Btw, i gave up trying to be the first to contact you everyday...
I msged you, you only reply after a few msgs + a few missed calls,
it makes me feels like i am so despo!
This feeling gross me out, and makes me feel like i wanna puke.
When you finally reply to my msg, and we start chatting,
i never complain that you reply so slow.
Instead i treasure every msg that you are able to send me.
But after awhile, you stop replying.
And i will be so dumb, waiting for hours for your reply.
Saw you online in Facebook.
"Pig!" Said by me.
"harlow!" Said by him.
":/"Said by me.
"yeaa halo"Said by me.
"look at your phone :@"Said by me.
-Silence, no reply again-
Am i really too despo for your accompany that you are suffocating now?
If it is, i promise i won't msg you after that anymore,
unless you msg me first..
Nich, although he treats he studies more important than me,
(Which you are also doing it right now)
but he will still msg me, no matter where he is.
He will also bother to tell me when he can't msg me, so i won't worry!
I'm not trying to make you sad by saying all these..
But sad to say, i do compare my boyf with my exs.
Sometimes i'm already used to boyf msging me,
i can't help but start to panic when you suddenly stop msging.
I love it when my boyf wish me good morning, in the morning,
it's really sweet to see you boyf say "morning baby" to you.
but i know you can't, you always wake up in the noon,
*sighs* even though it's like that, i still hope that you'll be the first to msg me everyday..
I juz hope to see you msg,
see you taking your own initiative to msg me first.
Not wait till 5pm in the noon, realise the despo-for-msg girl is suddenly gone,
then you msg me and ask me if i enjoyed my day.
What if one day i'm really gone?
What if one day something happens to me and i can't msg you?
Will you be panic and scare?
Will you contact me like how i contact you, worrying that something bad happens?
None of my family members understand my feelings as much as you do.
Whenevery they see me sad, they juz anyhow guess..
Thus when you are able to say out each and every of my feeling it really touch my heart.
Now i only have one tiny wish..
Our relation to go back to as sweet as it has started :/
Sometimes i really wonder,
what i meant to u..
Is it a lot?
Or juz a little bit?
But regardless how much i meant to you,
you meant the world to me baby.
The aching pain in my heart, that always appear when you left me alone,
I can no longer differentiate whether it is pain, sad, or juz plain loneliness..
If my joke, by daring you, was overboard, i apologise.
If you don't like it i won't do it anymore..
Sorry.
I realised that whenever, you stay over night for some events,
for example, chalet or your cousin's house.
We will start to drift apart ><;
The way and tone you talk/sms me will changed..
It became so unlovingly, and not as sweet as before le :/
I know i am not an understanding girlf, neither am i good and reasonable..
I'm trying my best to change for you,
I tried to be less sensitive, and ask for decrease my demand for your accompany.
I hope you see what i'd done for you, and really really appreciate it ><
There's a song i want to dedicate to you, bii.
Hope you like it(:
Danity Kane - Stay With Me
Raindrops fall from everywhere.
I reach out for you, but you're not there.
So i stood, waiting, in the dark.
With your picture in my hands, story of a broken heart.
[Chorus]
Stay with me,
don't let me go.
'Cause i can't live without you.
Just stay with me,
and hold me close.
Because i've built my world around you.
And i don't wanna know what it's like without you.
So stay with me, just stay with me~~~
I'm trying and hoping for the day,
where my touch is enough to take the pain away.
'Cause i've search for so long,
the answer is clear.
We'll be ok if we don't let it disappear.
[Chorus]
Stay with me,
don't let me go.
'Cause i can't live without you.
Just stay with me,
and hold me close.
Because i've built my world around you.And i don't wanna know what it's like without you.
So stay with me, just stay with me~~~
I've searched my heart over so many, many times.
No you and I is like no stars,
to light the sky at night.
Our picture hangs up to remind me of the day,
you promised me,
we'd always be and never gone away.
That's why i need you to stay.
[Chorus]
Stay with me,
don't let me go.
'Cause i can't live without you.
Just stay with me,
and hold me close.
Because i've built my world around you.
And i don't wanna know what it's like without you.
Stay with me, stay, stay, yeah yeah.
Don't leave.
So i stay waiting in the dark.
~
Hahas, so sweet right this song :P
Can be found in the mp4 widget at the side>>
(Though when i'm posting this i haven put up the widget :X!!)
Baby, i remember there's once you tell me.
You heard other couple singing song to each other and is those lovey dovey ones.
So yeap,
though i'm shy to sing for you, i'll dedicate one here first(:
Next time when i have the courage then sing for you okay? :P
Don't need envy other le^^
Mm, last but not least,
i miss you ttm~
Aiya..!
There's something i wanted to say but forgot :/
tsk..
Will post it later if i remember(:
~iloveyou|uoyevoli~
Grr!!
I gave up!
Gave up trying to put twit/plurk onto my blog ><
arghhhhhhh!!
Dammit~!
Hahas, i think i shall stick to this blogskin for the time being(:
The previous one was wayyyyyyyy too complicated for me to edit ><
(Took me weeks and yet can't finish editing my profile!!)
Hee~ I rather spend time to find free time to go out with bii than editing this :X
Well, last went out with him was Sunday(6/6/10)
Was a really sweet and memorable one though :P
Not gonna describe and share it here xP
Though i know.. if i don't be diligent and update this blog..
There will be no other ways to help me remember stuff..
My brain seems to be unable to remember things like it used to..
I began to forget about simple things like what did i eat in the morning,
where did i go yesterday,
what song was i listening to before this.
Everything's starting to fade, i'm scared..
I never tell bii about this, he won't care also.
Probably he will juz say i'm over tired, that's why my brain can't remember anyth le..
I know it's not..
Sighs, if one day i know something's happening to my brain,
and i'm gonna die sooner or later, i will leave him i guess.
Don't wanna drag him down tie him down to a sick and dying person :(
Alrite.
Got to go edit finish th blog skin first, will continue this post later(:
I want to forget all the unhappy moments,
but now,
happy moments are gone too ><
Am i holding on too tight to you that it's starting to hurt?
I can keep you with me, but your heart juz slip from my hands so easily
No matter how hard i tried, it still slips away.
There are a lot of things i ponder over again and again,
but in order to not hurt you, i chose to say "Nahhx~ i'm juz thinking too much again~"
This sentence is beginning not to help anymore :/
It used to work, but now, even if i repeat it 10times it still can't change my thoughts.
Am i being too sensitive?
Or does your act really meant something?
I so hope that what I am doing are all worthwhile.
I think of you every night before i go to bed, remembering all our memories(:
When i open my eyes in the morning, it's still you i'm thinking about(:
But do you have the same feeling as I? :(
Before you sleep, you are thinking about tml,
when you woke up, you are thinking of Fb.
It was never me you think about first...
I remember there's once, I forced myself not to msg you for the whole day..
And it ended up, you only msged me at 5pm in the noon :(
That moment, I don't know how to react.
Was i supposed to be happy that you at least bothered to msg?
Or was i supposed to feel sad that so long after you woke up then you remember me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, I noticed that you started saying,
"If your boyf is not a nerd.. blah blahx.."
"If your boyf is not so busy.. blah blahx.."
"If I'm gone from your life.. blah blahx.."
I don't like all these hypothetical questions!!
I don't need all these hypothetical questions either!!
All i want is you, your attention and most of all your care and concern..
Not you spending time to think how i will live if you didn't step into my life!
Since you really want to know how my life will be without your existence,
I can daringly tell you, it wouldn't be any better than now.. Really..
I know i'm one who can't stand loneliness, and that i'm afraid to be lonely..
Cuz i makes me feel abandoned..
Maybe it's juz a fxcked up phobia from young, but i juz feel so.
I ask for your accompanyment cuz i don't feel secured, cuz i'm missing you ><
If my demand for attention and accompanyment makes u vex.. i'm sry..
:(
